Haiz..

Haiz.. Yesterday was my most humiliating situation I ever encounterd during my years as CLT. I've been thinking that by not objecting and defending the authority is doing, I have show respect and thoughtfulness. The "thoughtfulness" has bought me nothing but disrepesct by peer and junior. Over the year, I've thought of guiding and leading as a example. Nonetheless, due to the changing training foucs in NSS, there is not much chance for me to even interact with the cadets. I could even count the number of training conducted so far.. give it 15. In additional, my peers has been questioning about the standard of my unit. Some even try to interfere into our own interal policy. Thought they may once from NSS, they have been posted to other schools. In some sense or another, they are physically not attached to NSS. Even if they want to implement something, at least they must inform their peer if they are dealing with the lower level; show some respect at least...
Sometimes, I've been worried by the situation. Maybe I've wrong concept myself. All these have make my self-doubt. Why Do I need to worry so much? What did I get, nothing but disrepesct and humiliate by others. Cadets playful, gang up and be try to be funny, doing all the backend stuff. I remember one of my senior have say, when u want to join CLT, don't expect anything. I don't expect anything. I could have do more with these time. I could have join Wushu or learn my taichi.. Engaged in many others thing. I'm sure there is alot I would learn from outside. But why I still hang on.. Even thought I know what I have done is useless, some of my credit other have taken also.. I seen myself having this respondability to undertake as a model even if it is not in favour. Once I've completed what I have started out will I say my mission is complete. Am I a different person.. I just want to be normal..
My metality have changed. The CLT is a stepping stone so that I can archieve higher standard of commanding. I've seen this as opportunity for me to improve.. being a CLT is diffcult..being a good CLT is even more diffcult...

8:29 PM

_________Drifted all the way...___________

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Name: Tan Wei Sheng
School: NYP

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